Murphey's Law

[thedisappearingcat]

We had to go to the mainland to get this year's heating assistance. This required rounding up all our IDs, paperwork, etc.

• I haven't seen my Social Security card since last year's appointment.
• I almost couldn't get my seat belt on because I'm so big.
• I forgot my wallet.
• We got the time wrong, and showed up at 11:00 instead of 1:10 then had to wait. 
• Innoq didn't have the correct pay stubs.
• We have just fifteen days to get our shit together or we're out of luck this year.
• This involves driving over 200 miles to get a new Social Security card.
• Which we can't do for a week, because that's how long it will take us to arrange a ride.
• And the card has to be mailed, which might take longer than a week.
• Which will mean no heating assistance this year.
• Which will fuck our already precarious finances right in the ear.

And I'm definitely in a slump. I keep hitching my wagon to somebody else's star only to find out their "star" is a street lamp.

• I figured if I did MyFitnessPal with Innoq we could keep each other motivated and accountable. But he doesn't do it anymore because logging food is tedious. Now I feel abandoned, like I'm struggling alone and flailing. I don't like to go to MyFitnessPal now because I see he hasn't been logging in and it bums me even more than my own failure. But this is my goddamn body. It's one thing to need support, another to fail because someone else quits.
• I figured if I ordered my lennán to write for 20 minutes a day -- no less, and only more if he chooses -- I'd feel like a hypocrite for not writing and get back on the ball. But there have been quite a few times when I ordered him to, and he did, and I couldn't. And more times when he wasn't in the right mental/emotional state and I gave him leeway, and I didn't write either. As much as I love feeling that my wonderful, dangerous pet is also my writing partner, I shouldn't depend on him to that degree. I need to figure out what my deal is and fix it for myself. (Note: You're not off the hook, Drake. Drop and give me twenty.)

Working with Black this go-around is evidently kicking up a lot of shit. And I have to face the fact that not all of it is due to illness and poverty. Some of it is on me.

Comments

[notherenow]

Yeah *sigh* My roommates and I as a household make just over the limit to qualify for energy assistance which fucking BLOWS because two of the three of us are on public assistance. I just spent $100 on oil which was my third of the oil bill and fucked me for this month and what we just got is just an eighth of a fucking tank so we really can't use the heat more than occasionally. Not happy about that. C'est la vie.

I really, really, really fucking hate the 10-15 day limit government places give you to get shit situated. When I moved cross-country both times I had to hustle in a very, very short amount of time to get my address updated and my benefits recalculated for Social Security, and they epically fucked up when I first moved here and almost shut off my SSI because of their fucking mistake. I really think these places ought to give you 30 days notice to get shit done rather than 10-15 days especially because they know they're dealing with people who are disabled or otherwise disadvantaged and do not have the resources that everybody else goddamn does to get things done. Like me not having a car, for example, and not even being able to afford a car even if I could drive. I am really lucky to live someplace like Portland that has excellent public transit. I have lived places where transit BLOWS and being dependent on other people to take me places is not always going to make things happen on the government's short-ass timetable.

Anyway.

Earlier this year I was in a very similar position with a seatbelt almost not fitting. I mentioned on my journal that I went down a couple pants sizes, not intentionally, but it happened. This is my way of saying that you have my support with talking about weight loss/wellness stuff and it's not going to trigger/bother me any.

And not to make this about me but just I hear you and I unfortunately relate to a lot of this, so you're not alone.

[drake_isaacs]

*nuzzle* I know I'm not off the hook. I just did my first 20 of the day. All of this sucks dear one. I am so sorry.