thedisappearingcat: (together)
When I say I'm a switch I usually mean that I submit to men, dominate women, and negotiate depending on the situation with anyone non-binary. I never wanted to dominate a man. Not long ago the mere suggestion would have gotten a laugh out of me.

My lennán and I, though, had been experimenting with our dynamic. I was more willing to at least try to dominate him from time to time even though I preferred to submit or go at it as lusty equals. It was a delightful challenge to explore that. I thought we had the perfect Balance going on.

Until I realized we didn't. Something was off. That rattled me and I had to draw back a dite and have some thinky-thoughts. It didn't take me long to figure it out.

He's a switch, too. He has a deep need to submit occasionally. But in his household he's the Dom. Nobody could top him... but me.

Well, shit. When I see an imbalance I generally feel like I should set it right. And knowing that he had unfulfilled needs shattered me. I never-ever thought I'd find myself in this situation, never really wanted to be, but here we are negotiating a relationship in which I am his Domme. 

I'm still getting used to the idea. We're wading in slowly and communication between us is a constant flow. Often it comes in handy. I get to punish him if he doesn't rest. (He has RA in his knees, badly.) His lovers who are physically with him are so far willing to cooperate, and I'm glad to have them. 

Now, I admit that last night I wanted to throw it all over my left shoulder with a pinch of salt, drop to my knees in front of him, and rest my cheek on his foot. For him to take charge, fuck me into oblivion, and comfort me while I cried. Instead I stepped back. I'm too afraid to upset our precarious apple cart.

I got through it without sending our new dynamic into a tailspin. I'm okay. And as soon as we're both up for a rumble, fucking each other into oblivion is going to happen.


thedisappearingcat: (Default)

December 2013

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